Find some ferocity in your practice today
i realised that perhaps, i had been over him a long time ago.
but somehow, the void feeling needs constant filling up therefore i took that feeling in back but never really actually embrace it fully.
kept thinking if i genuinely like this guy. and realised, not really anymore. my liking for him is more of a filler. liking how things are right now but there will be lonely days. i am not desperate of course, otherwise i will be tweeting about those guys or will be constantly hooking up.
been trying to keep myself busy to forget about all this but there were times where it will catch up. when i am single i wish there will be someone there for me once in a while whereas when i am attached, i wish for a lot of time off. nothing will satisfy. maybe its true - i haven’t found it yet - the one that will make me feel equal and at ease with myself therefore the constant craving for the opposite. or maybe, i need to change.
i know that i don’t know a thing now.
When a man is trying to win the heart of a woman, he studies her, but after he wins her heart and marries her. He often stops learning about her. If the amount he studied her before marriage was equal to a high school. He should continue to learn about her until he gains a college degree, a master’s degree and ultimately a doctorate degree. It is a lifelong journey that draws his heart ever closer to her - Fireproof (2008)